A Blind Man Does Not Fear Ghosts
by fnancynfancy
Summary: "She tugs on the hem of her dress which sits halfway up her thigh due to her extreme height. Out of self-consciousness or nervousness due to the situation James is unsure but her anxiety is as obvious as her skin is translucent."


It all begins with Dorcas Meadowes. She is introduced to them when Remus admits that he had been seeing her for about two weeks. They are both prefects and do patrols together every Monday and Thursday evening. The Marauders dance around the dormitory and had tease him mercilessly until they learn she dons a silver and green striped tie. "What the hell, Moony?" "A Slytherin?" "What were you thinking?"

Remus folds his arms. "I was thinking that she's actually really brilliant and you would think so too if you gave her a chance." James scoffs at the mere idea of a Slytherin being anything but evil, although if there was one thing he trusts it's his friend's judgement. They all agree they would meet Dorcas to give her a fair chance at making a good impression. They also agree it would probably be best to meet her during the daytime, in a public place. Common ground. No man's land. The library.

* * *

><p>The interrogation had lasted a good fifteen minutes before Dorcas peeks over her shoulder and pushes herself up from the table. "Oi, give's a moment, yeah?"<p>

Sirius grins widely. "By all means," he says waving his hand dramatically. The fifth year ("I turned sixteen a couple of months ago, I'll 'ave you know. I bloody ought to 'ave been put in the year above, I'm loads older than the res' of my year.") turns and strides down to the far end of the library, near the entrance of the Restricted Section.

Remus sends Sirius a swift kick to the shin and scolds him for being rude but James isn't paying attention to their antics. His eyes are firmly settled on Dorcas. Or rather the person she's speaking to. Two or three feet to her right stands a ghost. A tall girl with hair spiralling down the length of her back. Though she is far away James can see her eyes flitting around the room every few seconds. This and her constant shifting of feet tells him she's anxious to be there.

He is confused. What would Dorcas be doing talking to a ghost? And perhaps more importantly, how had James, in his seventh and final year of Hogwarts, never have encountered her before now? It's possible she is a Slytherin ghost, which would explain how Dorcas seemed to know her and not James. Yes, he muses, that must be it. But if she does haunt the Slytherin common room, what would she doing be doing up in the library? Unless she was waiting for Dorcas specifically but why that would be was beyond him and something he would have to ponder at a later time.

"Right, Prongs?" James whirls around in his seat and is confronted by his three best mates staring at him expectantly.

Ever the gentleman, he clears his throat and says: "Beg your pardon?"

Peter sighs deeply, "I could obviously beat up scrawny ol' Remus any day, right Prongs?"

James appears to mull this over for several seconds before replying, "Well maybe not _any day_. You know, I'm sure there's at least one day a month where scrawny ol' Remus could flatten your arse." Three of the four boys chuckle madly while a mildly panicked Remus attempts to hush them before his girlfriend returns.

Dorcas takes her seat at the table and the laughter rapidly subdues. "Sorry abou' tha'. Anyfing else?" she prompts, pulling her boyfriend's hand into her own.

"Ah yes," says Peter, not missing a beat, "I don't believe we've quite covered what your intentions are with our dear Remus? We wouldn't want you to do anything to corrupt him, you see."

* * *

><p>In all honesty, James had completely forgotten about the strange ghost until he was dragged along to Nearly Headless Nick's (or as he preferred to be called, Sir Nicholas de Mimsy-Porpington, though they never complied) 485th Deathday Party. He only agreed to come along because he owes Frank Longbottom a favour and apparently that meant he was required to go on a double date with him and his 'maybe-girlfriend', Alice Fortescue, as well as her friend, Amelia Bones. James wouldn't have minded going on a double-date as payment but Amelia Bones is a total bore. Sure, she's got a decent face and a nice bum but, blimey, she couldn't have a conversation to save her life.<p>

"So, do you like Ravenclaw then?" James asks for the fourth time that evening.

"Yes" she replies for the fourth time that evening.

"Wit beyond treasure is a man's greatest treasure, right? Or I suppose it might be a woman's greatest treasure. Hah hah."

"No, man's greatest treasure is correct."

"Right." James spares a glance over to Frank and Alice who had taken to the makeshift dance floor. Frank laughs at something Alice had said while she stares furiously at her feet, willing them not to mess up. James catches Frank's eye and sends a wink his way. He turns back to Amelia. "Can I get you another drink?" he offers.

"No, thank you. I've not finished this one."

James nods and awkwardly gestures to his own empty goblet before making his way to the drinks stand. He gags at the stench of rotten food Nearly Headless Nick had provided for his fellow ghosts in hopes that they would be able to taste it.

As he tops up his butterbeer his eyes scan the room. What a pitiable bunch. The guest of honour floats in the centre of the room debating the best method of dealing with banshees, with several other ghosts and their Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher. To their left, the Bloody Baron chases Peeves out the door. He had obviously not been invited to the party. As Peeves flees the room he passes straight through another ghost who doesn't seem fazed at all. It's same girl James had seen the previous week in the library. He can see now that she's wearing a Hogwarts uniform, though it's noticeably different from the ones Hogwarts witches wear now. Instead of the shirt and skirt combo she's dressed in a pinafore dress over a white button up shirt. James knows this was a Hogwarts uniform and not one belonging to another school due to the crest on her dress but as far as he can tell, there is no visible way of seeing which house she belonged to as she isn't wearing a tie at all. She tugs on the hem of her dress which sits halfway up her thigh due to her extreme height. Out of self-consciousness or nervousness due to the situation James is unsure but her anxiety is as obvious as her skin is translucent.

James suddenly feels himself being shuffled to side and turns to see Professor Slughorn reaching past him for a treacle tart, which James hopes is not mouldy like the other food. He steps to the side to grant his potions professor better access, when a thought occurs to him. "Professor?" he asks.

Slughorn freezes in his position and his tie falls forward, landing in a bowl of punch. "Yes, my dear boy?"

James gestures to the door where the ghost girl lingers. "Do you know her? That ghost by the door, I mean. Is she a Slytherin ghost?" The professor follows his gaze and stands up straighter, puffing his chest out as he does so.

"Lily Evans? Regretfully, she was not. I always believed she would have excelled in my own house but alas, she was a Gryffindor in her day." A Gryffindor? The plot thickens, as the muggles say.

"If that's true, Professor, how come I've never seen her before?"

Slughorn furrows his eyebrows in response. "Well, I, uh, I suppose she's always hanging around the dungeons. She had a truly rare talent for potions, one that rivalled my own. To tell you the truth, Mr Potter, I, myself do not see much of her either. In fact, I don't believe I've seen her for a good few months and even then it was a brief encounter. Yes, quite an odd girl, even when she was alive. Why the sudden interest, my boy?"

James faces Slughorn again, startled by the question. "There's none at all, sir. I've just not seen her before. Keeps herself to herself, like you say." he lies smoothly because in fact, he is very intrigued by her. Brushing crumbs from his moustache, the potions professor excuses himself to go speak to her but he doesn't take five steps before the mysterious Lily Evans disappears out the exit.

* * *

><p>Later that evening James pours over the map searching for her name. Lily Evans. Eight letters. Four syllables. It rolls right off the tongue James finds out when he whispers it to himself again and again. His mates are thankfully unaware of his budding obsession with the girl let alone aware that she exists. <em>There!<em> He finds her name in the Restricted Section of the library with, well, what do you know, Dorcas Meadowes. He's still unsure about whether they should trust her due to her house, but wandering around the Restricted Section with a ghost, albeit a Gryffindor ghost, in the middle of the night? James didn't know what to make of this, but as far as he knows, there is only one thing to do in a situation like this.

Peeking his head through his drawn bed curtains, James checks to see if his roommates are asleep. Three loud snores give him his answer and he clambers out of bed and sneaks out of the dormitory, invisibility cloak and Marauders' Map in hand. As soon as he's out the door he flings it over himself, not wanting to run into any prefects, never mind the fact he is supposed to be Head Boy. He scurries down to and through the portrait hole and as quickly as he can, and makes his way to the library.

Years of sneaking around the corridors of the castle had taught James all he needed to know to avoid getting caught but he regrets leaving his shoes by his bed when he steps in a puddle of what he hopes was water. Abandoning his socks as he knew they would only slow him down he creeps through the library to the door of the restricted section. Locked. Obviously. Trying his luck, he points his wand and whispers "_Alohomora_," which results in a satisfying click. James doesn't stop to wonder why they didn't place stronger wards on the door and slips in as silently as possible. He immediately hears whispers from around the corner.

"Jesus H. Christ, Lily, why do you need all this shit?"

"It's for research, Dorcas, please."

"Yeah, yeah. Listen, Lily, just tell me you're not still trying that freaky shit you tryin' las' year."

There is a pause. "Of course not."

James leans around the corner of a bookshelf to see the two girls standing together. Dorcas looks to be struggling to hold several gigantic tomes in her skinny arms and had her chin is rested on the top. Lily stands next to her on the tips of her toes which is something James instantly finds peculiar as he knows she could have easily floated up had she wanted to. She cranes her neck trying to get a better view of the top shelf before glancing back at Dorcas and sighing. She and James can both tell Dorcas was about to buckle under the weight of the books she was already carrying. "I think that will do for now." Lily says and Dorcas nods gratefully.

The two girls begin to walk towards James and he presses himself up against the bookcase but it's not enough to stop the ghost from walking right through him. It feels ice cold and he wonders if she feels that cold all the time. She stops suddenly and spins on her heel. James holds his breath. He knows that she must have felt herself passing through him just as he did.

"You alright?" Dorcas asks, attempting to turn her head without disrupting the books.

Lily's eyes bore right into where his would be had he been visible. James is concerned for a moment that maybe the invisibility cloak doesn't work on ghosts but is relieved when she nods and continues out the door with Dorcas.

* * *

><p>On the night of their first proper encounter James is meant to be on a kitchen run when he hears voices coming from nearby. Sirius had sent him down for pumpkin pasties and whatever sort of alcoholic beverage he could find. They were celebrating Peter getting a date for the next Hogsmeade trip. Emmeline Vance, a kind witch who usually kept to herself according to Remus, had apparently fancied Peter since day one when he stood on her foot on his way to get sorted. She would never forget the hurried apology and when he clapped extra loudly once she was sorted into Ravenclaw. Peter had no recollection of this particular event but did recall feeling so nervous he felt he would be sick at any second.<p>

So, here James was, while his mates wait patiently upstairs for their celebratory snack, eavesdropping on whoever stood just a few corridors down.

"Shut up, Regulus. Quit your whinging," hisses a voice James is only too familiar with. Snivellus. That slimy git. What is he up to now? And with Sirius' brother, no less.

A very distinctive girl's voice speaks next, "Righ', if you don't go back to your common room righ' now, I'll dock points and give you both detentions for being ou' pas' curfew."

"_Silencio!_ Fucking mudblood, don't you know what's good for you? _Sectumsempra!_" After hearing an unfamiliar spell cast with such hatred James, forgetting he wasn't wearing his invisibility cloak, sprints towards the voices. When he arrives he sees that someone had beaten him to it. He skids to a halt. Halfway down the hall Snape and Black stand with their backs to him, staring up at a ghost. It was Lily.

"Go!" she shrieks and the entire room seems to shake violently with the echo, though it really couldn't have for the walls were made of stone. This didn't matter to the two boys who flee the scene without a second thought. James doesn't stop to mock their cowardice. With them gone, James can see Dorcas lying on the ground, blooding pumping and oozing from thousands of tiny cuts scattered all over her body. He dashes forward and Lily slumps down next to her. She stares at Dorcas but speaks to James who she had not acknowledged until now.

"Take out your wand," she says, calmly. James obliges. "You need to hover it over her wounds and say _Vulnera Sanentur_. Say it softly, _Vulnera Sanentur, _like that." He does. "Keep saying it, don't stop until I get back," and then she stands up suddenly and runs away. Dorcas tries to say something but James hushes her and strokes back her hair. When he pulls his hand away it is sticky with blood. Fuck. Moony is going to be livid.

It's only a couple of minutes later when Madame Pomfrey, dressed to the nines in her nightgown, comes bustling towards the pair. She kneels opposite James and takes out a bottle of dittany. As if only just noticing James' presence she asks him what he's doing there. After recounting the events of the last ten minutes, carefully omitting what he was doing out past curfew in the first place, the nurse tells him that he can return to his dormitory now and that she will take over from here.

"Actually Madame Pomfrey, Dorcas is my best friend's girlfriend and I think I'd be more comfortable, not that I don't trust you entirely because I do, if I stayed with her for a little longer," he replies smoothly. Madame Pomfrey looks like she's going to protest before suddenly remembering the state of the student laying in front of her and nods. With a quick _Wingardium Leviosa _they make their way to the hospital wing. James' eyes search for any sign of the ghost but find none.

When he calls for Remus on the mirror, he is livid.

* * *

><p>Since seeing the ghost for the first time, James finds himself spending more and more time in the library, much to the amusement of Sirius. He had been forced to tell his friends about the ghost after the 'Dorcas Incident' when Peter had asked him how he knew the counter curse for the spell Snape had used. He was going to make something up but Sirius reminded him that should he lie he would knowingly be breaking the Marauder Code. In fact, James isn't even sure the Marauder Code exists, it's just something Sirius had invented so he could get his way. So he had told them about Lily and all of the four times he had seen her. Needless to say the lads were intrigued.<p>

"'Ello James." the head boy glances up from his Transfiguration essay to meet Dorcas' eyes.

"Hullo Dorcas," he says. "Have a seat." He gestures to the armchair to his right and she plops herself down.

"I didn't ge' to fank you for helpin' me the other nigh'. I know you're skeptical coz I'm a Slytherin but it was good of you. And you don't have to worry coz I really do fancy Remus and I don't have any ulterior motives or anyfing, like I know you're finking." she explains looking him directly in the eye. James appreciates her straightforwardness, a trait not usually associated with Slytherins, and he smiles when she finishes.

"It was my pleasure." He's been meaning to ask Dorcas about Lily and he supposes now is as good a time as any. "Erm, Dorcas, I was wondering what you could tell me about Lily Evans." The smile slides of her face and the girl's eyes immediately narrow.

"I don't fink Lily would appreciate me telling you all abou' her," she says, pursing her lips.

"It's only fair, isn't it? After saving your life and all." He says nonchalantly. James had planned enough pranked on Slytherins in his day to understand how they think. Everything was a deal to them. Give and take.

She makes a sound of displeasure but divulges what she knows nonetheless. As it turns out it isn't a lot. She doesn't know much about Lily's life before her death at all. Dorcas met Lily in her second year when that prick Mulciber had attacked her due to her muggle heritage. She describes how Lily chased everyone out of the corridor, similar to the way she had done the night before. Dorcas chuckles. "Now that I know 'er I've no bloody idea 'ow she managed to give everyone such a fright. There's nothin' remotely scary abou' 'er!" She tells him that in return for her 'protection' Dorcas helps Lily with the the more tangible things. Like writing notes or turning the pages of books. It all sounds ridiculously tedious but she doesn't seem to mind. For a muggleborn in a house packed to the rafters with blood purists, Dorcas was just happy to have a friend.

They talk for another ten or so minutes until Dorcas catches sight of James watch and lets out a number of expletives. She scrambles up out of her seat and rushes from the library, yelling something about being late for transfiguration tutoring.

James mulls over all of the information he had gathered on the ghost. Much of what Dorcas had told him overlaps with what Professor Slughorn had said so it seems to James, that the ghost in question isn't one to hand out copies of her autobiography. This only made her all the more intriguing.

* * *

><p>"Hey," is the first word he speaks to her. He found her in the library, of course. She was tucked away in the Alchemy section, scanning the titles of books that nobody had touched for who knows how long. She is startled but visibly relaxes when she sees it's him. She had obviously been expecting him.<p>

"Hey," is the twenty sixth word she speaks to him.

"I'm James," he says.

"I know. Dorcas told me."

He nods. He had assumed she would.

"I'm Lily," she says.

"I know. Professor Slughorn told me."

She rolls her eyes. "Well, it was nice to meet you, James, but if you don't mind…" and she begins to turn away from him. He goes to stop her by putting his hand on her shoulder but it passes straight through. Damn, he forgot about that. It worked a little bit though, because as a result she turns and raises her eyebrows, asking the silent question: _What did you think was going to happen? _James decides it best not to answer.

"How did you know the counter curse?" he asks instead.

"I've seen it used before," she answers simply.

"How do you know Dorcas?" He already knows the answer to this but he decides to just try and keep her talking.

"She helps me."

"With what?"

She turns to the bookshelf and moves to take a book from the shelf but her fingers just disappear into the pages. He notices she wears a ring on her left hand. He points to it. "Are you married?" he asks and her hands fall quickly to her side.

"No." He asks if she's engaged and she says "No." She looks uncomfortable and the subject ends as quickly as it began. Their first real conversation isn't going as well as James had hoped.

"Do you want to go for a walk on the grounds?" He crosses his fingers because he's sure she'll say no.

"Okay."

* * *

><p>James is surprised she agreed to go for a walk with him but is more surprised with how interested she seems to be about his life. Then again, this may just be a clever tactic to steer the conversation away from herself. He tells her about his friends and his favourite classes. He tells her about his parents and about his cousin Marlene and her family being killed by Voldemort and she stiffens. He assumes it's just because she's frightened by the war like he is. He doesn't mention it. When she asks about his plans for the future he explains how he really wants to play Quidditch professionally but he thinks he ought to go into Magical Law Enforcement instead because he wants to help put an end to this stupid war. Lily tells him she thinks he's brave. He tries to ask her questions about her time at Hogwarts but she answers them with questions of her own.<p>

She does tell him that she went to school with Hagrid, the groundskeeper and recounts anecdotes about his love of animals which have James in stitches. James' father had told him Hagrid was expelled in his third year and when he asks Lily about it she looks sad. Apparently he let a monster from the Forbidden Forest into the school and it killed a student. His eyes widen and she laughs. "Don't worry, it wasn't me." she reassures him. No, it was poor Myrtle.

"Moaning Myrtle?" he cried. "She's awful!"

"Don't be horrible!" she admonishes but she's holding back a smile.

* * *

><p>They seem to run into each other a lot over the course of the next three months, whether or not they are all on accident, neither of them will admit. He learns many small things about Lily but very little about her past life. He learns that she never moves through walls or tries to float if she can help it. He learns she tries to steer clear of places where there are usually a lot of students at any given time. James thinks Lily does anything to avoid reminding herself she is in fact a ghost. He learns that the only contradiction to this is she absolutely loves to gossip about the other ghosts:<p>

"James! James, did you hear Edgar Clogg asked-"

"Who?"

"Edgar Clogg, you know, the ghost that haunts the Quidditch Pitch, he asked-"

"Oh yeah. What's his deal?"

"Quit interrupting me! Anyway, he asked Helena Ravenclaw's permission to court her! Oh James, I tell you I almost died right then!" She pauses and James pretends not to have noticed. "Anyway, he's taking her to Hogsmead this weekend."

That's when he learns Hogwarts ghosts can actually leave the school grounds but rarely do. Lily especially, she says she hasn't left in over thirty years. He doesn't ask how long she has been dead for. When he looks at her he imagines her with the red hair and green eyes she told him she used to have and she is beautiful.

* * *

><p>James introduces Lily to the other Marauders and they become fast friends. Lily and Sirius bond over their estranged siblings and James is only a teeny tiny bit jealous that Padfoot managed to get some solid information on Lily's past life before him (though he'd never every admit it, not in a billion years). Lily asks Remus a seemingly endless amount of questions mirroring the ones the Marauders had asked Dorcas earlier that year, in an attempt to decide whether he's good enough for Dorcas. She's satisfied as soon as she sees him blush at the mention of her name but continues purely to see him squirm. Lily's face splits into a grin when Peter tells her about the prank their planning on Filch, she tells him she can probably get Peeves on board to draw Filch out of office for them. The Marauders cheer and it was like she was one of them all along. However, Sirius and Remus do share numerous looks when they catch their best friend flirting with the ghost.<p>

They stage an intervention after she leaves. "Oh sod off, you two. It's not like that." he says brushing off their concerns.

Remus pinches the bridge of his nose. "Prongs, mate, you cannot let yourself get too attached to Lily. Yeah, she's great but it won't work out. She's a ghost, she belongs here at Hogwarts and we'll only be here for another three months." Sirius nods in agreement.

"You don't have to worry. I don't fancy her. Period." But of course he did and he is all too aware of the fact.

* * *

><p>Lily too is painfully aware of her steadily growing affections towards the boy. She had been so stupid to think her friendship with him would be a good idea and she should have put a stop to it at the beginning. She says all this to James when he proposes she come out to visit him regularly once he leaves Hogwarts. "Or we could meet halfway, at Hogsmeade?" he says hopefully.<p>

He knows what's coming after she cringes at the suggestion. "James, I don't want you to confuse this for something it's not. Yes, it's true, we've become-" she pauses, struggling to think of the correct term to describe whatever the hell they are. _Say friends, _James begs, _say friends_. It's a punch in the gut when she finishes with "acquaintances". She goes on to say some bullshit about her being so stupid to have thought that her friendship with him would be a good idea and she how she ought to have put a stop to it at the beginning. James is barely listening.

"Lily," he says softly. Her rant dies quickly and she looks up at him. "I don't care that you're a ghost... I fancy you. Loads. Like a humungous amount." He holds up his hands to show her how much he fancies her.

She shakes her head slowly and puts her face in her hands, elbows rested on her knees. She knows what she ought to say. She needs to reject him. To tell him his feelings are not returned. She needs to squish him like a cockroach under her boot. Metaphorically, of course. But how could she? She can't lie to him. So, instead of telling him to leave her alone which would be the sensible thing to do, she says "Me too."

"You fancy yourself too?"

Laughs bubbles in her stomach and erupts from her lips. Her hand is pressed to her chest and her head tips back. She can't contain herself. "No, you great big prat!" James' grin mirrors her own. "No, I fancy you too. You know I do." She agrees to visit him from time to time once he leaves Hogwarts. She thought it would be best if they start slow. James doesn't agree entirely but he's too happy to say otherwise. He wants to kiss her. He thinks she wants to kiss him too. James had said he didn't care about her being a ghost and that was the truth but blimey, he wishes she wasn't. He places his hand over where hers rests on the table and although it passes right through her he doesn't mind because he can feel her. He can feel the cold air of her fingertips and it's wonderful.

* * *

><p>Everything changes on the eleventh of April nineteen seventy eight.<p>

"Say that again."

With a jolt, James looks up from his copy of The Daily Prophet. He had been enjoying a late breakfast in the great hall with his friends as he, Peter and Sirius had a free period. Unfortunately, Remus had elected to take another two subjects on top of the six all four boys were taking so he was absent from the Gryffindor table that morning. Sirius and Peter turned in their seat to see the newcomer. "Lily, you're in the great hall."

She ignores him. "James, say that again." Something in the tone of her voice doesn't make him want her to have to repeat herself once more. So he clears his throat and turns his attention back to page four of the newspaper.

"_Multiple witnesses have claimed that He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named has survived being struck with the killing curse_." With an expression of what can only be described as pure terror she does something James had never seen her do before: she vanishes straight into the stone wall. Peter and Sirius turn back to their friend with what may as well have been giant question marks reflected in their eyes. James reaches into his back pocket for the Marauders Map only to find it in Peter's outstretched hand.

With a muttered "cheers" and a "IsolemnlyswearIamuptonogood" he sprints out of the hall and down the corridor in an attempt to follow Lily's name. He follows her all the way to Dumbledore's office. Not where he expected her destination to be. He gives the gargoyle the password and is halfway up the stairs before it even finishes revealing the entrance.

He finds Lily and the Headmaster facing each other, neither speaking a word. Dumbledore seems to spot James as soon as he enters and his grave expression is replaced with a warm smile. Lily's greeting is not half as pleasant.

"What are you doing here?" she snaps. James walks further into the office with the prophet held up by his face.

"Care to explain?" Lily turns to the Headmaster in exasperation, who sits down in his chair and gestures for Lily to speak. She groans in response and drags her hands over her face.

"James, you should sit down." He obliges and sat down in a seat the Headmaster has accioed for him. "James, I died in December, 1944. I was sixteen and in my seventh year. I, erm, I guess you should know that I didn't really have many friends at school. Instead, I was devoted to learning all that I could about magic. I was muggleborn, so I suppose that's where my obsession stemmed from. It was absolutely exhilarating in comparison to my mundane life before Hogwarts. I took all the classes I could manage and spent more time in the library than I did sleeping in my dormitory. Anyway, I was a frequent attendee of Professor Slughorn's infamous Slug Club and it was there that my relationship with a boy named Tom Riddle began." She paused and spared a glance at James, who she had been avoiding looking at until now. After seeing the blank expression on his face she decided to clarify. "James, when I was alive I dated Voldemort."

To say James was freaking out was an understatement. It takes a moment for her words to sink in and then all hell breaks loose. He yells at her and throws things from the Headmaster's desk. "What the fuck?" he shouts. "Are you fucking deranged?" he cries. "Oh my god, oh my god! What is wrong with you?" he spits at her once Professor Dumbledore had ordered him to be quiet. Lily cries. His Lily with the demeanour as hard as the stonehenge is crying and begging him to stop. How could he? How could he stop when she had probably fucked the man who killed his friends and their families. She had loved the man who stands for all that James hates. How could he have ever wanted to be with her? No wonder she spends all her time in the dungeons, it was where she fucking belongs. Along with all those other snakes.

Lily's on her knees begging him to understand, begging him to forgive her. "Please, listen to me." No, he is done with her and he says as much as he storms from the room.

* * *

><p>He talks to Dorcas and she advises him to give Lily another chance like he had given her. She kisses his cheek.<p>

* * *

><p>"Explain it to me," he says when he finds her in the Restricted Section a week later. Dumbledore had been absent from the school since he had last seen either of them so he figured whatever he had interrupted had to have been important.<p>

She lights up when she hears his voice but his face is firm and he has obviously not forgiven her. Her heart sinks and she looks at her hands when she speaks. "The first thing you need to know about Tom is that he was very persuasive. No, he was manipulative. He had me wrapped around his little finger and he knew it. I would have done anything he asked of me. He first approached me at one of the Slug Club dinners. Slughorn had been boasting about a potion I had invented which gave the drinker immunity to fire. Tom said it was impressive to have created a new potion from scratch." She looks up at James through her eyelashes when she explains the significance of the complement to her. "You have to understand that I wasn't terribly popular. I had no friends at school or at home. I was the tall, ugly, dirt-poor muggleborn. I was desperate for attention. And to receive it from the smartest, handsomest, and by far the most charming boy in the school? It was utterly incomprehensible. We began seeing each other after a couple of weeks and once the news spread, James, I became fucking royalty in the eyes of the other students. You can see how I felt indebted to him.

"We dated for a nearly a year. I use the term dated loosely as we never went on any real dates after the first month. He knew he didn't need to, I was already completely obsessed with him. I truly believed that we were in love. He gave me this ring." she says, holding her hand up for him to see "For safe keeping, he said. I assume he put some sort of enchantment on it but perhaps he didn't and it was all me. Anyway, he would ask me to brew dark potions for him and to research dark artefacts and creatures. I did it all. He told me it was purely for research and I've already told you that I was addicted to learning all that I could about magic so I had no reason to complain. I did whatever he required of me, no questions asked."

Things were piecing themselves together in James' head but there was one thing that didn't quite add up. "Yeah, okay, but what I don't understand is he must have known you were muggleborn, right?" he interjects.

Lily answers it as if it is the simplest thing in the world. "James, if you think any of this is about blood purity for him, you're kidding yourself. Voldemort wants power. He wants control. All he had to do was pick a cause and an army would be provided." That took him aback. It wasn't something he had ever considered before. "Tom was also obsessed with the concept of immortality and it wasn't until it was too late that I realised it wasn't only the concept he was obsessed with, it was about achieving immortality at any cost. And that's where my death and Voldemort surviving the killing curse come into it." She takes a deep breath and says: "James, have you ever heard of a horcrux?"

He hadn't and so she explains it to him until he feels ill and has to sit down. She explains how she came across the term in a book called 'Magicke Moste Evile' and how Tom insisted she find out all she could about it. She explains how after weeks of searching she found written instructions in another book called 'Secrets of the Darkest Art' and how she stole it from the Restricted Section for Tom. She explains how she barely saw him over the next couple of weeks until he sent her a note asking her to meet him in the Come And Go Room instead of going to Hogsmeade with the other students. She explains how he had altered the Gemino curse so he could create a duplicate of Lily which he had put under the Imperius curse and how when she arrived he snapped her wand and blocked the exit. She explains how she used to think it was cute that he kept a diary and how very wrong she was. She explains how she knew instantly what he was going to do to her and she begged him not to and how he didn't show a glimmer of remorse for what he was about to do. She explains how she screamed that she wouldn't let him take her life and how she believes this is the reason she is now a ghost because to become a ghost one must truly not want to move on from life or have something, tangible or not, tying them to this world. She then begins to explain the events that followed but James interrupts.

"Oh my god, Lily, stop. I'm going to be sick."

* * *

><p>When he forgives Lily he realises that it wasn't him that should be forgiving her at all. He apologises for overreacting and she just smiles at him. So, Lily and James try to continue like nothing had changed but they both knew things weren't the same as they had been before. There are just too many taboo subjects now and with the war quickly becoming a larger part of James' life their conversations grow strained and forced. Lily begins to draw back but James persists because if there is one thing he is certain about it's that the way he fells for Lily hasn't changed like she admits she fears.<p>

* * *

><p>On the last day of school, though things were still awkward between them, Lily comes to see him and the boys off. She promises James she will try to visit him and she does. It's difficult though because things with the war were heating up and she reckons the less time they spend together the better. For the both of them. On the twelfth of December nineteen seventy eight James asks her to move in with him at his flat in Godric's Hollow. She doesn't think that's the best idea. "No worries," James says but his sad smile betrays him.<p>

He promises to write to her and he does. He writes to her about the Marauders latest shenanigans and the Order. On the fifth of August, nineteen eighty he writes her about his new baby brother, Harry, and how his parents had been killed protecting him in an attack on St Mungo's. He is devastated and Dorcas begs her to visit him but she can't bring herself to leave because she doesn't think she'll come back.

He signs every letter with 'Love James' and she gets Dorcas to sign every letter with 'Regards, Lily." Dorcas Meadowes is killed by Voldemort himself on the twenty second of August nineteen eighty one and Lily doesn't write James again.

On the morning of the first of November nineteen eighty one the news reaches Lily that James had been murdered and baby Harry had been sent to live with James' squib cousins. Nobody sees her or hears from her for over two years.

* * *

><p>On the evening of the twenty ninth of May, nineteen ninety three Lily Evans attends a ghost's council to discuss the matter of the petrification of Sir Nicholas. The three remaining house ghosts had suggested that until Sir Nicholas recovers it would be wise for a ghost to fill in temporarily as the representative ghost of Gryffindor, for morale and such. Lily had found the idea of calling a ghost's council to find a replacement for just one day completely absurd, as the Mandrake Root remedy would be ready the next day but she doesn't complain and instead stands as close to the exit as she can. Her mind wanders to the poor Weasley girl. 'Her skeleton will lie in the chamber forever' the message had read. If the girl wasn't dead already she probably will be soon. Lily wonders if they will soon have another member of the ghost's council.<p>

She thinks of Harry Potter, James' baby brother. She had only spoken to him once. Or rather, he had spoken to her and she had done her best not to vomit. She had found him in an empty classroom gazing at the reflection in a mirror she had only heard rumours about. She walked slowly around the edge of the room until she was standing behind him. She was disappointed to find she couldn't see what he was looking at. Harry gasps when he notices her and when he turns to face her she finds she can barely bring herself to speak. He looks exactly like his brother it's painful to look at. She walks towards him, she can't help herself. Harry's eyes are wide but he's too polite not to introduce himself. "I'm Harry. Harry Potter." his accent sounded wrong coming from James's face and she remembered he was raised by virtual strangers.

"Hullo Harry. I'm Lily." She went on to say that she knew his brother and described him to Harry and the little she learnt about his parents. Harry listens with rapt attention. She asked him if he saw them in the mirror and he had nodded. He listed all the people he can see and she gave him their names. Lily remembers Harry telling her he can see her too but he had assumed that was just her normal reflection. She didn't correct him. She didn't tell him ghosts don't have reflections, not even in magical mirrors such as this one. He didn't tell her that the girl in said mirror had dark red hair and bright green eyes as opposed to her translucent, well, everything.

Lily wishes James knew how brave his brother had been when he faced Voldemort last year. He had been braver than Lily ever was that was for sure. Lily was a sad excuse for a Gryffindor in comparison to Harry. Lily had been a coward when it came to both Tom and James. She knows should she be given another chance with James she would have done everything differently. If she could only see him again, hear his voice.

On the evening of the twenty ninth of May, nineteen ninety three Harry Potter stabs a horcrux. The boy in front of him, Tom Riddle, falls to the ground writhing and screaming like the basilisk had before him and then he disappears just as if he had disapparated.

The Fat Friar had just called for a vote when Lily suddenly disappears just as if she had disapparated.


End file.
